I have always considered myself a natural woman…or at least I wanted people to think I was. I wanted it to seem like I could just wash my face, toss my hair and rock the down to earth look.
Reality?
Mmm, let’s just say it took a lot more work and money to create the image of the me I wanted to present to the world. From hair to makeup, each perfectly orchestrated step was a process of trial and error and it wasn’t as easy to cultivate as it may have seemed.
I have been coloring my hair for going on 25 years. I started doing my own dye job with over the counter products when I was in my mid-thirties. Not so much to cover gray, but because I wanted to try different colors – a little burgundy, a little auburn, a little golden brown. I was never loyal to any one product; I would try whatever was new and promised me a lush, beautiful mane of perfectly colored hair. There were always plenty of new products for me to try and I enjoyed experimenting with my look. T-shirts, towels and countertops were all casualties in my quest for color!
Pictures do not lie
When I look back on some of my photos from those early years of coloring my hair, I must admit I had some epic fails – the natural look was not always so natural. As I aged, and the goal was indeed to blend my gray away, I switched to having my hair colored professionally. We were living in North Carolina at the time and I had a great young hairdresser who confidently sported bright blue or red or purple hair depending on her mood. Gratefully for my hair we stuck to the more natural shades of brown. But, the problem with coloring your hair is you lose track of what your ‘natural’ color should be. Pretty soon my hairdresser and I were adding highlights and lowlights all in my quest for that perfect look. In addition to losing track of what my true color was, I was also losing track of an element of my most authentic self.
When we moved to Iowa, I went back to coloring my own hair to save money. Thank goodness my sister-in-law was in the business and saved me from myself! As time marched on, I switched to Jen, the young hairdresser who my kids went to, out of convenience. Fast forward ten years. When I told Jen I was thinking it was time to let my hair go to its ‘natural’ color of- wait for it-gray, her immediate response was ‘you are not going to like it’. I was somewhat taken aback. My first reaction was to question how well she knew me. Once I composed myself, I was able to stay true to what I really wanted. I decided it is time.
Truth serum
I have four sisters. Three older and one younger. My three older sisters have all gracefully transitioned to gray. All for different reasons. When my younger sister announced she was done coloring her hair due to the crazy increase in cost, I thought where does that leave me? Here’s the kicker. When discussing this with my three older sisters, one of them (name withheld to protect the guilty) calmly stated, ‘well Angela will be the last one to let her hair go gray’. Now I am not sure if she was insinuating I was just that vain or if because I was so careful to keep my gray covered, she thought I somehow the gray gene had passed me over. Whatever the intent behind the statement, it did get me thinking. Maybe it was time to get back to my roots (literally).
So I am working my way to gray
Back to Jen. After I convinced her I really was serious, we came up with a plan. Now there are lots of ways to make this transition – the all out just let it go and patiently wait for the color to grow away. This seems the most drastic method and if you sport a short do is less painful and noticeable than if you wear your locks long. The next option is to literally bleach out the color you just spent lots of money putting in. This method of going gray takes a lot of dedication and time as you painstakingly work the color out.
The scheme we decided on was the keep going blonder and blonder until you are gray. Jen felt this would give me time to get used to the lighter shade and would work perfectly as the summer months approached. For the past three months, I have been gradually getting blonder and blonder, blending the omnipresent gray into the intended look. I have to admit, I kind of like it. I still go back every three weeks for a color, but we have a plan and this feels good. The next time I go to see Jen we will add some dark lowlights in to blend with the lighter shades on top-counting on the increased time out in the sun to do the job of bleaching out my color.
So many questions
Why do the top and front of your head go gray so much faster than underneath? This sure seems an unfortunate trick of nature. Why do we go gray and why do we all do it at different times in our lives? Science does give us some answers here. Hair has a pigment cell called melanin and as we age we stop producing melanin. Genes are the main determining factor in how early or quickly we gray. So, if your mom, dad, great aunt Millie went gray early, you may too. While some factors cause early onset of graying (stress or B-12 vitamin deficiency for example), for the most part it comes down to heredity.
And now that I am working my way to gray I am starting to worry about all of the ramifications of this decision. The questions become a lot more personal. Am I going to immediately be classified, aka judged, as being ‘old’? This seems to be the top concern among women as they make this decision. When men go gray they are considered sophisticated and genteel. For women, gray = old.
- What makeup changes do I have to make to avoid looking washed out and invisible?
- What about clothing choices – what are the best colors to enhance my new natural self?
- How do I keep the volume I get from coloring my hair-gray hair is naturally thinner coupled with losing the texture color adds makes finding the right products that much more important?
While every woman needs to find the hairdo that compliments their features and makes them feel attractive, does that change with your hair color? It used to be women of a certain age were expected to wear their hair short and coiffed or if not short, always pulled into a nice, tightly wound, bun. Luckily times have changed and this is no longer the case, but there is still pressure to not look like you’re trying too hard to look “young.”
And finally the most vulnerable question: How do I get over the shock every time I look in the mirror and see a different me?
I am committed to my decision to let my hair revert back to its current natural state. Although I may be left wondering what my true color was in my 40’s, and 50’s, I do know that I always walked away feeling pretty after time spent ‘in the chair’ thanks to the masterful skills of my trusted hairdressers. I don’t regret the years of coloring, but I know it is time to move on.
With this commitment comes a sense of apprehension. There was a reason I so faithfully went back more and more frequently to keep my hair vibrant and the gray covered. Maybe it was vanity. Maybe it was to build my self-confidence. Or maybe it was to avoid being labeled old before my time. It was definitely not wanting to spend 90 minutes in a chair, properly draped, breathing in fumes of the chemicals doing their job of changing my hair color.
And thus the journey continues
I hope you will see me through to the end of this milestone. I hope together we can find our new look that makes us feel beautiful and true to ourselves.
When I was a child I was blonde. Like really blonde. My hair continued to get darker and darker as I aged. In my late twenties I went home to see my parents. My dad looked at me and with accusation in his voice asked if I was coloring my hair – “NO” I emphatically replied. Dad was no longer with us when I did start coloring my hair. When I think of him asking that question six months from now and my answer once again being an emphatic – “NO” – it makes me smile!